When Your Body Changes in Perimenopause: Finding an Alternative to the “Fix It” Mentality

Perimenopause, Body Image, Intuitive Eating

I’ve been having a lot of conversations lately with women who come to me distressed about what they call “perimenopause weight gain.” They’re frustrated, scared, and often convinced that something is wrong with them that needs to be fixed immediately. The diet industry, of course, is right there waiting with promises of “hormone-balancing protocols” and “menopause-specific meal plans” that will supposedly return them to their pre-perimenopause bodies.

But here’s what I want you to know: your changing body isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s information to be honored.

The Truth About Bodies in Transition

Let’s start with some facts. During perimenopause, declining estrogen levels affect how and where your body stores fat. This isn’t your body “failing” or you “letting yourself go.” This is your body doing exactly what it’s supposed to do during this life stage. While there’s not a whole lot of consensus on the matter (see the recent interview with Dr. Mara Gordon on Burnt Toast for some sense of the complexity) there is reason to believe that some weight gain during menopause is not only normal but may actually be protective for bone health and longevity.

But diet culture doesn’t want you to know this. It wants you panicked and purchasing.

I worked with someone recently who had spent the better part of the last decade trying increasingly restrictive diets to address what she called her “menopause belly.” She was exhausted, obsessing about food, and had developed a level of body hatred that was affecting her work and her relationships. When we started working together, one of the first things she said was, “I just want my old body back.”

And that is so legitimate. The wanting part, the loss part. Grief is so real when our bodies change, especially when we weren’t prepared for it or when the changes feel sudden. And the grief is so worth sitting with and honoring. But the “old body back” mentality keeps us stuck in a battle we can’t win, fighting against the natural progression of life itself.

Why Fighting Your Changing Body Backfires

Here’s what happens when we approach perimenopause body changes with a “fix it” mentality:

A) The restriction-rebellion cycle intensifies. Hormonal changes can make you hungrier at certain times, and when you’re trying to restrict in response to body changes, you’re setting yourself up for a more intense backlash.

B) Stress hormones skyrocket. Chronic dieting during an already hormonally chaotic time adds cortisol to the mix, which makes everything harder: from sleep to honoring your hunger and fullness cues to not freaking the F out in your relationships 😳. Truly everything is harder when we’re at odds with our bodies.

C) You miss the real invitation! Perimenopause is asking you to slow down, to tune in, to honor your changing needs. Diet culture asks you to speed up, disconnect, do more, and override your body’s wisdom.

D) Your mental energy gets hijacked. This is the time in your life when you might have more clarity about what actually matters to you. But if you’re spending your days calculating macros and fighting your reflection in the mirror, you miss the opportunity for this deeper work.

What Body Respect Looks Like During Perimenopause

Body respect during perimenopause isn’t about loving every change (though I suppose some women may, and that’s cool too). It’s about approaching your changing body with curiosity and trust instead of hostility and skepticism.

It might mean asking, “What is my body asking for right now?” instead of “How can I shut this cue down?”

It might mean noticing that your energy is different at different times of the month and honoring that instead of pushing through.

It might mean buying clothes that fit the body you have now instead of keeping a closet full of “goal clothes” that make you feel terrible every time you see them.

It might mean choosing movement that feels good instead of movement that feels punishing or simply checks a box.

The Radical Act of Letting Your Body Be

So many of my midlife clients come to me having been at war with their bodies for years. They are exhausted, naturally, and it is an exhaustion that is not just physical, but a soul-deep weariness that comes from a lifetime of trying to control something that was never meant to be controlled.

What if, instead of fighting the changes, you got curious about them? What if you approached your changing body the way you might approach a dear friend going through a difficult transition: with compassion, patience, and respect for the complexity of what they are – of what you are – experiencing?

This doesn’t mean giving up on taking care of yourself. It means redefining what care looks like. It means eating in a way that honors both your hunger and your satisfaction. It means moving in ways that feel energizing rather than punishing. It means getting the medical care you need without the shame and judgment that often comes with it.

Your Body’s Wisdom During This Transition

Here’s something fascinating: the same hormonal changes that can feel destabilizing are also preparing you for what many cultures recognize as a time of increased wisdom and power.

Culture writer and podcaster Anne Helen Peterson calls it “the portal,” what she identifies as a time of increased creativity and energy, possible at least in part because, at this time of life, we are “less concerned with the bullshit.”

“Something was happening,” she said about her own portal moment. “Maiden-becomes-crone, sure. Destabilizing, yes. But it was also an experience of transformation, of refinement.”

As part of the same story, Jungian psychologist Satya Byock reported that sees a lot of awakening and curiosity going on at this age: investigating astrology, delving into or deeper into religion, exploring Tarot. “It’s all so unique,” she said. “Like, what does my life mean as a very specific person on this planet? What am I, what is the life that I want? What impact do I want to make? What do I want to create? It’s a very specific combination of things for every person. And that is powerful, and arduous, and exciting — all of it.”

Your changing body is part of this larger transformation. The softening, the shifting, the settling…it’s all part of becoming who you’re meant to be in this next phase of life. And that, too, is powerful, and arduous, and exciting.

Moving Forward with Self-Compassion

If you’re struggling with body changes during perimenopause, please know that you’re not alone, and you’re most certainly not broken. You’re experiencing something that millions of women go through, often in silence because our culture has taught us that aging bodies are shameful secrets to be hidden or fixed.

The work isn’t about accepting body changes overnight; that’s another impossible standard. The work is about practicing a different relationship with your body, one that’s based on respect rather than ridigity.

Start small. Notice when you’re being cruel to yourself about your changing body, and see if you can pull that back a bit. As a start, see if you can get some distance from this sort of criticism: “I notice that I’m having some seriously critical thoughts about my body right now.” Even that is a win. And if you feel up to it, see if you might be able to take it a bit further. Offer yourself the same compassion you’d offer a friend. “This is a tricky moment, for sure, but I am okay. What do I need to get through this moment?”

Notice when you’re making decisions from a place of body hatred or fear versus body respect. Notice what it feels like to care for your body from a place of kindness rather than control.

Your body has carried you through decades of life. Might it be possible to conjure up some gratitude for its doing exactly what bodies are designed to do, that is, change, adapt, and carry you through every season of your life with remarkable resilience?

The invitation of perimenopause isn’t to fight your way back to who you used to be. It’s to embrace who you’re becoming.

---

Ready to explore a different relationship with your changing body? I offer individual therapy specifically for women navigating perimenopause and menopause. And I am still enrolling for the Fall 2025 session of Mind, Body, and Beyond: A Non-Diet Approach to Navigating Midlife with Compassion, Clarity, & Community. Contact me to learn more about how we can work together during this transition.