Everything is a Lot

I recently had a client tell me, simply, “everything is a lot.”

The snow is a lot. The darkness is a lot. The shopping, the presents, the travel, and the parties are a lot.

The state of the world is a lot. The global crises (plural). The kids who can’t do a damn thing about it. And the grown folks in suits who refuse to. It’s too much.

The loneliness and the remembering. The food and the festivities and the having to show up in clothes. And gracious, the expectation that the whole thing be done with joy and cheer and magic. It’s all just a lot.

But it can be doable – or at least more doable – if we can avoid self-judgment about how we SHOULD be feeling and instead, practice self-compassion: validating how we ARE feeling, normalizing that as part of the human experience, and meeting it with understanding and kindness, as we would a friend.

The below provides an example of this three-part formula for self compassion as created by Kristin Neff.

A Self-Compassion Primer

Step 1: Mindfulness

“Everything is a lot. Some of it is good, and I have a lot to be grateful for, but it’s still demanding and tired and, at times, overwhelming. It’s okay for me to feel like this.”

Step 2: Common Humanity

“It’s normal and understandable to feel overwhelmed at this time of year. I’m not alone. There are many others who are having a similar experience.” 

Step 3: Self-Kindness

“How can I be kind to myself? I can commit to meeting my basic needs for food and rest, and I can find moments of sweetness or gentleness or silliness amidst these other feelings. I can notice what is going well.” 

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In the words of Kristin Neff, “Self-compassion is a way of emotionally recharging our batteries. Rather than becoming drained by helping others, self-compassion allows us to fill up our internal reserves, so that we have more to give to those who need us.”

Happy holidays, friends. Or maybe okay-ish holidays. Doable holidays? Whatever holidays. They can be what they are. And you can treat yourself with kindness and patience and good humor regardless.

Take good care.